Pissing on the bike and losing my tenting virginity

The title is pretty self-explanatory. Pissing on the bike and losing my tenting virginity, one obviously a first for me and the second, a skill I’m trying to perfect.


I wouldn’t go so far as to say that pissing on the bike is an art but it is a skill which can save you a lot of energy and time in a bike race. In order for it to be done successfully its best to do it on a downhill, obviously not too steep and in a mountain bike race a good surface helps. You need to put the foot which side you want to ‘go’ on at the bottom of your pedal stroke, whip your member out and then aim as far away as possible and concentrate. Trust me it requires a good deal of concentration. Try being as quick as possible and getting as much out as possible. Hope this little ‘how to’guide helps some of you! Ladies, you’ll have to stop I guess…
Today I successfully managed to do it twice! It can be made further tricky with wind which was pumping today, make sure you’re going with the wind and not against it for obvious reasons or you may have a golden shower. I also succeeded in doing it both times as I was going past a photographers, I did apologise to both, the first a tannie watching from her stoep out in the middle of the Karoo… What are the chances?


A helping hand always helps, here Evans shows how it’s done like a pro.

Image credit: cyclingtips.com.au

I don’t know how, but over the years of doing mountain bike stage races which are usually in the sticks, I have always managed to avoid ‘tenting it’. Through landing my bum in the butter I’ve managed to stay in various forms of brick and mortar accommodation and camper vans and in doing so avoiding the dreaded tents.


This week however I am tenting it, at the hardest race on the calendar nogal. I will admit that I do have the luxury of having my girlfriend’s dad, Shaughn, staying in a camper nearby so I do still have some luxuries like a little Nespresso coffee in the morning.


After some proper rain which succeeded in making my tent almost as wet inside as outside, a spot of wind and just in general roughing it out I think I am qualified enough in this tenting business to not need to do it again in the near future.


If mojo and connection allows I’ll try blog again this week.


Epic tent village at first light.